The End of Days (And by Days, I Mean My Emotional Stability)

For the past month or so, Cincinnati has been experiencing a very mild winter. Surprisingly, I am not forced to walk to class looking like the Michelin Man with two hoodies and a winter jacket. While some may blame global warming or “the end of days”, I, on the other hand, know it means one thing: The Bachelor is back, baby! So here, my friends, are my thoughts on week two:
  • Stereotypical fly over of beautiful landscapes, welcome back, Bachelor.
  • I appreciate that producers decided to expedite the process and get right into a one-on-one date. I’m really not interested in listening to the women say how they’re “not here to make friends” or they “want Ben all to themselves”. Heard it before, over it.
  • Kacie B., like your shirt. Also, never saw anyone talk about twirling batons so seriously. But, hey, find your passion, girl.
  • I admire Ben and Kacie for their fearlessness; normally, I would need to know a guy’s mother before I hold hands with him.
  • “Ben needs a haircut” count: 1
  • You don’t need to play minute long “coming up on this episode” segments before every commercial. You have been whoring off a man to 25 women for 16 seasons, just assume that the same lonely female viewers are sticking around.
  • Kids writing a play — adorable; making the women act — redundant
  • Psycho Bitch #1 – Courtney
  • Psycho bitch #2 – Blakeley (side note: she says she is a “VIP Cocktail Waitress”, that’s like the classier version of a prostitute for politicians and athletes.)
  • I’m beginning to realize how exhausting this is just watching it.
  • Random thought, but, I am sitting in my bed, alone, at 10 pm eating chips and I am confident that I am not as pathetic as some of these women.
  • “Ben needs a haircut” count: 2
  • I’m constantly amazed by how many of these women cry every episode because someone said something mean. You signed up to live in a house with 25 other women who are vying for the same guy, you can expect passive aggressive bitches.
  • Ben keeps saying the day felt normal and I can actually relate to him; a day without my camera crew is freaking weird.
  • Courtney has very broad shoulders in that sweater.
  • “Courtney makes me think big picture.” Little picture – She’s a model, she’s pretty. Big picture – I’ve known this girl for three days.
  • “I feel like the other girls know Ben a little better than I do.” – Lindzi, I can assure you that you guys all know him about the same amount, unless you include the inside of his mouth, then you’re a little behind.
  • Every time Jenna speaks, I feel uncomfortable. But, hey, rep Cincinnati!
  • Brittany looks just like Aimee Teegarden from Friday Night Lights.
  • “Ben needs a haircut” count: 3
  • Wait, is this the last rose of the night??? If only someone could come out and tell us!!!!!
  • Buh-bye Jenna; I look forward to next week’s episode with fewer meltdowns and awkward conversations

Winners This Week

Kacie B and Nicki

K-Y Intense lube commercial – making people uncomfortable for years

Losers This Week

Whoever named Kacie, Lindzi, Blakeley, and Lyndsie

Ben’s hair


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Filed under aimless ramblings, unhealthy obsessions

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